Ending in the best way I know, smiles & love

Ending with a bigger smile and a bigger reason to love 

By the end of the four years at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, I have came to terms that these were the best four years of my life thus far. The amount of genuine people I have met in such a small square-foot is beyond my comprehension yet it is my reality. Graduation week was super emotional. The hectic of finishing up my last experiment with Candice to taking pictures with multiple groups of friends to end the school year. There was a bigger reason to love because they have shown me more love that I do not deserve. The craziness thing I realize as I look back at my old graduation pictures from 8th grade and high school, my smile got bigger and fuller. It might be from the little extra weight I put on (opps) but I am shocked how I look happier in such a different sense. My definition of happiness has definitely changed with this smile. "...for the Joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10. 

My favorite pictures from graduation 

take heart

"Take heart, that no matter what happens, the faith that I have known is through the uncircumcised faith. It is a pure faith of being able to believe in the promise of God that He indeed sent a Savior for my sin. That this faith I have is not made of others but of my own relationship of who Christ is in my life. There should not be any comparison of what is made true to me towards this faith given to me. Remember to keep believing this faith that is found in the beginning." Romans

beauty of imperfections

The Beauty of Imperfections //

The beauty of imperfections open spaces. For forgiveness and acceptance. For acknowledging and embracing. Even happiness is flawed with its rough edges. The beauty of imperfection open a space for love. For love that overcomes. For love for the unloved. For love for humility. For love that is waiting to pour down from above. Stare in the eye of the perfect to see the reflection of love He holds. That is us. 

The little voice in our heads as we condemn every part of our physical being is real. 

How can we change that voice of condemnation to acceptance? 

It is with a heart full of the word of truth and a heart of complacency.  Sometimes we hear the little voice speak of what deem to be our reality that we lose sight of the truth. The two very defined and interchangeable words of reality and truth can be caught wrapped inside a beautiful sentence. Conflating of the two words is often done by the "ordinary" and the "avoidance". Hiding the truth within the reality is done to blindly show its coexistence.  With all of the little voices of our different realities racing through our thoughts, what is the truth that defines us? What are the thoughts that should be shaping us to accept our true self than the reality that seems to real towards us for us? 

To uncover the truth buried under our realities, it begins with differentiating the words. To tune our little voice inside of us, we need to understand that truth is the ultimate and only reality. It is the final say, the last verdict. Reality shifts from person to person through their perception but the truth flows to shine light amongst the falsehood of reality. It comes to "shine some light" on our reality, to prevail its truth. The truth brings redemption while the core of reality is full of deceptions.

Hold on to me...

Hold on, 

Hold on to me , 

Cause I'm a little unsteady, 

A little unsteady, 

...

If you love me, don't let go,

If you love me, don't let go .

- Unsteady by X Ambassadors 

Forgive, forget and forward. Forgive is termed for becoming vulnerable again. Forget is used to justify the pain. Forward.. well that's where I am stuck. These terms speaks louder when we are at a stage where we want to stay trapped but the current of resistance is no longer strong enough. I'm trapped. I feel stuck. I have faced the piercing vulnerability by forgiving. The dagger that left my heart left a wound. A wound marked as the bullseye. Everything leads to the dead center and ready to seize where once the blade fits. I had to let it go, to become unsteady. Or it would have penetrate deeper as time decays and rust what's left of this uncleaned heart. So I let vulnerability win over resistance to enter the window of healing. Justification comes to ease and coat the void but not to fill. As the vulnerability springs, strength is built and love is found again as I have nothing that holds me back. But...

Forward.. why do I still feel a little unsteady? It is forgiven and forgot, yet forward becomes backwards. I come back to a place of desire. I seek again the hopelessness. I look down again at the shatter pieces. I cling to the broken edge of this fainted picture. And I say again , if you love me don't let go.